


The Kids Aren't Alright

by Thosepuppyeyes



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Artist Kylo Ren, Bookworm Hux, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, F/M, Hux has an odd obsession with death, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn, Some fluffy Finn and Rey on the side, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, fantasizing about death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 10:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21444979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thosepuppyeyes/pseuds/Thosepuppyeyes
Summary: Hux and Kylo are both loners, battling their own demons. Confiding in one another, they find the peace and acceptance they have always longed for.Modern High school Au with Lots and lots of angst and a little bit of fluff on the side. Told through the alternating perspectives of Hux and Kylo.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 21
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

The Kids Aren’t Alright

Chapter One

* * *

Hux knew what it was like to be an outsider. He had practically been one his whole life. Ever since he moved from England to the states, he had been looked at like he didn’t quite belong, as if there was something wrong with him. He was still young at the time in sixth grade in fact, when he first came to this revelation. If his pasty complexion coupled with his mop of ginger hair wasn’t enough to make him stand out, then his distinct British accent that no other kid in his class had, did. 

It didn’t take long for him to give up on the idea of ever finding a friend amongst his classmates who instead, ridiculed and isolated him. Something that he was all too familiar with since his father had always treated him the same way. 

What simply started out as snickering behind his back and cruel comments from his classmates quickly turned to shoving him against lockers and tripping him in the halls. 

What he assumed was simply childish teasing that his tormentors would grow out of, only continued through High School. Hux began to lose count of the number of times he came home with a bloody nose or busted lip, a consequence of passing by one of his tormentor’s lockers at the wrong time. 

Which bruises came from school or home even he couldn’t be sure of anymore. 

At the beginning of sophomore year he remembered being tripped down the stairs on his way to his biology class which earned him a broken arm. After trying to bring it up to the principal his protests only seemed to fall on deaf ears. 

“Are you sure you didn’t just trip over your laces, Armitage? They’ve always been nothing but good kids, ” The principal asked him, clearly finding his story hard to believe. 

Hux didn’t bring up the event to anyone after that. 

Since giving up on any sort of social life, Hux spent what spare time he had in the company of books instead. Books had the ability to speak to him unlike any person possibly could. 

Without anyone to sit with during lunch, Hux found himself spending more time than normal at the library, finding comfort in being surrounded by stacks upon stacks of books. 

As he entered with his lunch which was crammed into a wrinkled paper bag, he gave the librarian a quick wave of greeting, before sitting at his usual corner in the back. Surprisingly, Ms Phasma was one of the few people in school who actually understood him, which Hux himself found a little pathetic. Only losers were friends with the school librarian.

Phasma was a tough lady who everyone knew was not to be trifled with and even intimidated most of the football players in class. Anyone who put a book in the wrong place or was heard talking a little too loud was met with a glare or heated word. Hux couldn’t help but wonder what made her want to be a librarian in the first place but he never bothered to ask. 

Reaching into the paper bag to retrieve his poorly crafted ham sandwich slathered in mayonnaise in between two soggy pieces of bread, he flipped through one of the books from the stack that sat beside him. Alone in the quiet company of a book was exactly how he enjoyed it. 

Hux took another bite into his sandwich as his eyes scanned over a page that went into a detailed explanation of the decomposition process. 

While death was a subject that most people didn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, Hux found it incredibly intriguing. As he mulled over the morbid details of how a body decomposed or how to embalm a body, Hux couldn’t help but find the whole thing poetic. Poetic in a grim and macabre way, but poetic nonetheless. 

After picking up the journal of a mortician from the library, Hux had become completely engrossed in the process and found it surprisingly enlightening. He decided that he would use his stored knowledge of death by becoming a taxidermist or mortician. There were times when he frequently fantasized about standing over the dead bodies of his enemies, the ones who had always been cruel to him and left bruises up and down his body. Other times it was the still corpse of his father. Nothing felt more empowering than seeking the ultimate revenge by outliving them. He pictured himself holding back a smirk as he sent them through the crematorium knowing that wherever they were, they were more than likely suffering a similar if not worse fate.

It was a morbid frame of mind sure, but his vivid revenge fantasies were one of the few things that kept him sane. 

By the time lunch was over, he had already finished his book severely disappointed by the time he reached the final page. 

It came as no surprise that he had never been a fan of happy endings, finding them far too idealistic and sappy for his tastes. Life wasn’t fairytale, it wasn’t full of fairy godmothers or singing cutlery and certainly not any happy endings. It was harsh and cruel without having a reason to be. Yes, he learned that lesson early on. Reality had never been kind to him and the sooner he accepted that the better.

The bell rang signaling that lunch was over and prompted him to get up from his seat. He discarded his now torn and wrinkled paper bag in the trashcan before collecting the stack of books that were set down beside him. Before heading to class, which conveniently was English, his personal favorite, he stopped off at the front desk to return one of his borrowed books. Phasma greeted him as usual while he slid his book towards her. 

“Well, how was it?” She asked, in her usual stoic yet casual tone, possibly in an attempt to start conversation. 

“Absolutely dreadful,” Hux answered curtly, “Too happy of an ending.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and thank you so much for checking out my first Kylux fanfic! I've been planning this for awhile and finally have gotten around to posting this so I hope you have enjoyed! I know this start is a bit of a downer and I can't promise that it gets too much happier than this, but there will be some fluff in there I promise! Next chapter we will be introduced to Kylo so stay tuned!  
Be sure to leave a comment telling me what you think it would be very much appreciated! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning/disclaimer: A fair warning there will be Lots of triggering stuff in this chapter. Mentions of attempted suicide and depression throughout here. Please be advised.  
Also, I am not a licensed therapist but I have done some research on borderline/BPD to make my Portrayal of Kylo and his personality disorder as accurate as possible. Of course, I don’t personally have borderline ( just anxiety and depression) so I can’t speak for someone who does nor is my portrayal of Kylo a reflection of everyone who has borderline. If you feel as though I portrayed anything inaccurately please feel free to bring it to my attention I promise I will not be offended! I strive for my writing to be as accurate as possible, especially when it comes to something as serious as this.  
Again many thanks and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Two

* * *

Raindrops dripped down the windshield of the moving car, leaving behind thin wet trails that resembled teardrops. The sky was a drab color of gray which hung heavy with clouds. A gloomy day like this perfectly resembled how Ben felt about 90 percent of the time. 

I’m short, Ben hated days like this. Of course, his mood had only worsened by the fact that he was also headed to his therapist’s office. 

Therapy ( at least in Ben's mind) was a total waste of time but was supposedly the best thing for him during his time of recovery. 

Which Ben figured, was just their way of saying that he was utterly fucked up. 

With the perpetual frown that was always stuck on his face, Ben watched as the scenery passed by his window. Any attempt his mother made to try and start a conversation with him was met with silence. 

Leia let out a sigh before turning to her son, 

“Ben, I know things haven’t been easy lately but you can at least try to pretend your happy,” 

Turning to his mother, he bit back a bitter reply. 

His relationship with his family had always been...strained to say the least but things had only gotten worse since he had made an attempt on his own life. 

_ Five months ago _

Ben couldn’t remember the last time he felt happy, genuinely happy. Half the time he felt as though he was simply going through the motions, only pretending to feel normal and not the intense onslaught of emotions that he felt every day of his life. 

The idea of taking his own life had crossed his mind too many times to count but never really felt like a real option. Just a phantom thought that lingered in the back of his head, pulling at his mind anytime all the pain and anger got too hard to handle. 

Not until now, as he stared at the bottle of sleeping pills in his shaking hands. 

His mind replayed all the things he always heard. 

_ Suicide is the cowardly way out _

_ Anyone who kills themselves is just selfish, don’t they know how much pain they cause their loved ones? _

_ You can’t do it don’t you realize that things always get better? _

All the words that held him back before echoed in his mind before fading to inaudible whispers. He couldn’t even begin to think about the future when all he could feel was unbearable pain. A Pain that pressed so hard on his chest that it sucked every last bit of breath he had from his lungs leaving him breathless and wheezing on the ground. For those brief fleeting seconds, all he could think of was the pain and how he would do anything to make it go away. 

The entire world began to fade around him blurring everything aside from the bottle of pills he held in his hands. As Ben poured a handful of its contents into the plan of his hand he forgot about anything else. All he wanted was a peaceful night’s sleep, asleep in which he would never wake from.

What happened in the moments that followed Ben couldn’t even be sure of himself. All he remembered was waking up in a hospital bed surrounded by his family who all stared down at him with glassy tear-filled eyes. The exhaustion which weighed heavily on him was indescribable and nothing like he had ever felt before. Of course, the physical pain was nothing compared to seeing his parents so distraught seeing what he had tried to do. 

The expression on his little sister Rey’s face was like a sucker punch to the gut, seeing how terrified and distraught she was overseeing him. Rey was the one taking it harder than anyone else in his family. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. She had been the one to find him, unconscious on the bathroom floor.

The events that followed happened so quickly that Ben barely had time to process anything. After his stay at the hospital, he was admitted to the Psych Ward where he stayed for the next few weeks. 

During his stay, not only did he earn himself a new shrink and set of medications but also a diagnosis of Borderline personality disorder. 

For the first few days, his mother came to see him and his dad joined her whenever he could. Rey however, never showed up once. Ben assumed initially that it was because she was angry at him for putting her through so much emotional trauma, being that she was the one that found him in the first place. It wasn’t until later that he found out the truth. That she didn’t want to face him because she was terrified to see him. Terrified that when she looked at him and remember everything that happened all over again. Terrified that she could’ve lost her only brother. 

“She’ll come around kid, just give her time,” their dad told him but even he didn’t know when that time would come. 

Eventually, it had after nearly two weeks of not seeing his sister. Rey came into his room and immediately wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into the tightest hug he probably felt in his entire life. She held tightly onto him, not wanting to let go. Rey sobbed into his shoulder, shaking like a leaf as they embraced and suddenly Ben realized how much it affected her. 

As he hugged his sister back he wanted to tell her that he didn’t mean it and that he never wanted to her to see him this way, but that just wasn’t the truth. The harsh reality was that he wanted to end it all. He wanted to die and saying otherwise would have been nothing but a giant lie.

_ Present _

By the expression on his mother's face he could tell that she was concerned, nor could he really even blame her. Things had hardly gotten better since he returned home from the hospital despite all the efforts everyone around him attempted to make. 

Sometimes he wondered if any of it was all worth it and if he wasn’t just a hopeless case after all. 

“Ben, when Doctor Holdo asks how you’ve been doing I want you to be honest with her alright?” She requested. 

“She only wants to help you out,” 

The mention of his Psychiatrist immediately prompted Ben to roll his eyes. 

Holdo and his mother were good friends and had been for years, yet as far as Ben was concerned was a total quack. She did all the _typical _therapist things like setting him down on a coach and asking him how he had been feeling lately. As if she didn’t already know the answer, that he felt like shit almost all of the time and wanted to die. 

“And what exactly would I lie about mom? Tell her that I’m doing so fucking great that rainbows shoot out of my ass?”

By the look on his mother's face, he was sure that if they weren’t in the parking lot in front of other people she probably would have smacked him right then and there. 

Her eyes narrowed in frustration at her son before she continued. 

“Just tell her the truth Ben, understand?”

As he grabbed for the handle of the car door he let out an audible groan. 

“Alright…” he responded simply before leaving for his appointment inside. 

The building where his therapy sessions were held was enough to make anyone depressed, which seemed more than counterproductive. It was old and worn out and it’s walls were the most hideous shade of tan. 

Ben approached the front desk to sign in before sinking into the seat beside his mother in the waiting room. The entire area was eerily quiet, almost maddingly so. It didn’t take long for him to be ushered inside for his session, plopping down on the plum couch inside. 

The session started as it usually did, with Dr. Holdo asking her usual barrage of questions, Ben not even bothering to pretend to care. 

“Is there anything that you have been wanting to talk about?” She asked, attempting to pull anything out of the quiet male sitting across from her. 

Ben glanced up but refrained from spitting out a snarky remark. 

“Not really,” he confessed.

“Nothing at all? Nothing that’s been troubling you lately?”

“Nope.”

A sigh left her lips breaking the silence that lingered In the air. 

“Ben, these sessions are meant to help you, so if there’s anything you want to discuss now is the time to do so. I’m not here to judge you.”

Despite her words of reassurance, Ben remained quiet. Wasn’t that rich? She wasn’t there to judge him. Somehow he found that hard to believe. 

“I said I didn’t have anything I wanted to talk about, why is that so hard to believe?” He asked with a clear bite in his tone. 

Holdo didn’t push forward on the subject instead had a question of her own.

“Have you talked to sister lately?” 

Ben clenched his jaw with slight frustration. 

“What does she have to do with any of this?”

“Your mother told me that things have been...difficult between you two lately. Was that something you were wanting to talk about?”

Of course, it was always about Rey, about how _his _decision had affected her. Nobody gave a shit what he did until Rey was involved. 

“I don’t see why I should, clearly I ruined her life and I’m a monster for it so what else is there to say?”

Holdo sighed, probably unsure of what to even tell him. 

“Ben that’s not what anyone is saying at all. We just want you to know that your actions do affect those around you. Nobody wants you to feel guilty for being depressed.”

Ben crossed his arms as he rolled his eyes. 

“Right,” 

Her mouth quickly formed into a line before jotting something down on her clipboard. 

“Our hours almost up. I want you to try something that I think might help. I want you to channel all those negative feelings you might be having into something productive, something that you’re passionate about. Your mother said you like to draw?”

Ben shrugged, “I guess…”

He had a sketchbook at home full of drawings that he kept hidden from his family. He didn’t think he was that good anyway.

“Well, maybe next time you can bring some drawing paper and sketch during our next session?” 

Ben barely listened as he nodded emotionlessly. 

“Yeah, sure why not.” 

Holdo nodded, “Alright well, if there’s nothing else than I guess our session is over.”

As Ben walked out while Holdo told him to have a good week and all that other shit like usual. 

On the ride home, Ben stared out the window the entire time while his mother asked how things went. 

He responded with only a few one-word answers like, 

Fine, Yeah and Good but not much else. 

He couldn’t help but notice that it still hadn’t stopped raining. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter! Next Chapter we will be back to Hux and this time we'll get to see them meet which will be super exciting so stay tuned til next time!  
Also, Thank you to everyone who has left kudos or a review I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to chapter three folks!! I’m happy to say that this one is significantly less angsty than the first two for all those of you who wanted a break from all the angst. ( Can’t promise it will stay that way, however) Finally, we’re going to get to see these two meet and interact with Each Other!! As always I hope you all enjoy this latest chapter!!

A gust of autumn breeze blew through the Quad outside of the cafeteria, making a good enough excuse for other students to stay away and eat lunch inside. In other words, it was simply perfect enough for Hux. If the chilly weather bothered him then he certainly did a good job at disguising it. The chilly wind and leaf-littered surroundings were a mere small price to pay for solitude. The ginger male leaned back on the bench he was seated at while attempting to focus on the book in his lap. For once he selected a piece of literature in which the main topic didn’t include graphic descriptions of corpses but instead was about the French Revolution, which just so happened to include a lot of death. 

While one hand rested on his book the other slid into his pocket to retrieve the carton of cigarettes that rested inside. Without anybody else around there was nobody to bitch at him about smoking out on school property and telling him how he was going to get lung cancer if he kept it up. Lung cancer actually sounded fairly nice if it meant never having to deal with anyone in this fucking school ever again. 

Another breeze rolled through, lifting the pages of his book enough for him to have to hold them down in fear of losing his spot. If there was one downfall to his secluded spot then the uncooperative weather was it. 

While his eyes focused on his book he failed to notice that someone else had entered the quad and was silently watching him from a few feet away. 

He lifted his lit cigarette back up to his lips before letting out a puff of smoke into the air.

“You’re smoking,” An unfamiliar voice cut through Hux’s thoughts, causing him to glance up for a brief second. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he spotted the stranger standing nearby. When the hell did he even get here? 

Hux relaxed a bit, attempting to conceal just how shaken he truly was. 

“Yeah, no shit.” He deadpanned before averting his gaze back to the reading material in front of him. He heard the argument possibly a hundred times from dozens of other students that passed him by. As if they didn’t all have their Juuls. 

“You know, smoking fucks with the environment? If you wanna blacken your lungs that’s one thing, polluting the air is another,” The stranger added, as he shrugged. 

Hux looked the stranger up and down while a look of annoyance crossed his features. Of course, he could never truly escape the lectures that came from everyone who caught him, not even the emo wannabe standing in front of him. Who was this guy anyway? Hux couldn’t recall seeing him in his life. 

“I didn’t peg you down as an environmentalist,” Hux confesses flippantly. The stranger didn’t look like he cared about much of anything. Aside from the newest indie rock album to drop or what types of hair dye to use. 

The stranger rolled his eyes, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his torn jeans. 

“You don’t know who the fuck I am,” He was quick to interject. Hux had to admit he had a point. 

“You’re right, I don’t know who the fuck you are, just like you don’t know who the fuck I am either. So why don’t you do us both a favor and fuck off.” 

The frown on his lips deepened and Hux was almost positive that he was going to get cussed out. 

“Well, you don’t always get what you see.” He responded rather sarcastically. 

Hux rolled his eyes not bothering to even try and hide his annoyance. 

“How clever of you.”

Immediately Hux averted his gaze back to his book, hoping the stranger would simply just get the message and go away. 

To his surprise, he took a seat across from him instead. Hux lifted his eyes for a second, scrunching up his face with clear confusion. 

The boy narrowed his eyes at him, “What? You don’t own the fucking place.” 

He let out an impatient sigh, “Never said I did.”

At this point, he wished that he would just leave and go bother someone else, however, he kept any other comments to himself. The less he engaged with him the more likely he would leave. Hopefully anyway. 

Hux forgot about the stranger’s earlier protests about smoking as he retrieved the carton from his pocket to get another cigarette.

Hux wasn’t surprised when he piped up again. 

“Can I have one?”

Well...until that.

“You want one? What about all that shit earlier about the environment?” He questioned while the frown on his features deepened.

He gave a nonchalant shrug in response, “You were going to just smoke the shit anyway, I don’t think it really makes much of a difference if I have one.”

Hux couldn’t even attempt to wipe the confused expression off his face. There was no point in arguing so, he reached into the carton and handed one over to him. 

“Here, knock yourself out.” _ Seriously so I don’t have to fucking deal with you anymore _he was half tempted to add. 

He took the stick without even saying thank you, which wasn’t nearly as surprising as it should have been. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his lighter, before turning towards him. 

“Let me guess, you're going to bother me for a light now aren't you?” 

Surprisingly the male shook his head instead. 

“No, I’m good actually.”

Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved a box of matches, causing him to raise a ginger brow.

“You were just carrying those around with you for no reason?” 

His brown eyes shifted over to Hux. Eyes that surprisingly resembled warm honey now that Hux got a good look at them. Why he noticed that odd detail, he wasn’t even sure himself.

“Not for no reason, no.”

That didn’t make things less weird.

“What kind of reason is that then?” He found himself questioning. 

The male narrowed his honey brown eyes at him once more. 

“None of your fucking business how about that?”

“I believe you made it my business actually.”

He paused, curiosity pulling at him. 

“Don’t tell me you’re some kind of arsonist.” He teased.

“Actually you’re right… that’s exactly what I am.” He countered. Hux thought he was being a smart ass initially but the more he was around this guy, the more began to think that he wasn’t kidding.

“Well isn’t this some shit...I get lectured by an arsonist about the fucking environment.” He grumbled aloud.

He lit up his cigarette before letting out a snort of amusement. 

“Careful, I might just fucking burn your house down.”

He quipped back.

His attempt at a threat was meaningless to Hux as he rolled his eyes. 

“Oh please do, in fact, why don’t you wait till my father gets home to light the first match.” 

He requested. 

The male’s brow shot up as he exhaled a puff of smoke into the air.

“I’m not an arsonist. Not an environmentalist either.” He confessed.

Hux nodded his attention still on his book, “Well, thank you for informing me of that. I can sleep well tonight knowing that information.”

The boy rolled the lit cigarette between two fingers, ashes falling from one end, onto the concrete ground below. 

“You always such a dick?” He questioned. 

“Are you always so annoying?” 

“Not unless I have nothing better to do,” he replied while tilting his head back, exhaling smoke. 

Hux figured that was a common occurrence for him. He seemed highly intolerable, even for such a short amount of time.

“Well, like you pointed out earlier, I don’t know you and I have better things to do with my time than entertain you.” 

“Yeah...cause you look so busy.” 

It seemed that he wasn’t leaving anytime soon, so Hux attempted to ignore him by reading his book and pretending he didn’t exist. Oh if only it could truly be that easy. 

The boy cracked open a can of soda, one that Hux didn’t even realize that he had until the sound of gulping and carbonation broke his concentration. Letting out a rather obnoxious gulp, Hux replayed thoughts of him choking the male on repeat in his head. 

“So what’s your name anyway?” he asked, as he put out his cigarette atop the table before tossing the bud on the ground. 

He flipped the page without even bothering to glance up. “And what would you possibly need my name for?”

Reaching into the carton, which was laying out on the table he snatched another cigarette slipping one between his lips. With a flick of his wrist, he lifted the match to his unlit cigarette. 

“Why not?” he shrugged. 

His brow raised suspiciously, yet he answered, “Armitage, but I refuse to respond to anything other than Hux.” 

“Armitage?” He repeated as his brow lifted, lighting a tiny fire within him.

“Yes that’s what I said,” he snapped, “And who exactly are you?” 

Oddly enough, he paused, letting silence seep into the space between them. _ What Did he forget his name? _ Hux wondered as a smirk crept on to his lips. 

“Kylo.” 

“Kylo? That’s your name?”

“Yeah...”

“Your real name? Or is that your 4chan name?” 

Kylo gave him a scowl which might have been threatening if he wasn’t on the verge of laughter. 

“It’s my artist name.” he practically growled.

“Oh your artist name, I see and what about your real name?” 

Kylo flicked some of his dark hair out of his eyes as he brought his cigarette back up to his lips. “My real name doesn’t matter...just call me Kylo.” he stated simply. 

Hux decided not to question him further, not that he really cared much either. It would hopefully be the last time he talked to the guy anyway. 

“Why do you hang out here alone anyway?” Kylo asked as he flicked some ashes on the floor. 

“You ask too many questions..” Hux replied simply. 

Lunch was quickly coming to a close, prompting him to collect his books and head off to his next class.

“Now I have places to be, so I guess this is where our conversation ends, Kylo.” 

Before he could say another smart ass remark, Hux left the area.

He didn’t even bother acknowledging Kylo any longer leaving the annoying boy far behind. A few feet ahead he glanced back one last time, catching one last glimpse of Kylo who was still sitting in the last place he left him, smoke circling around him as he took another drag. He pushed back his black hair from his face, leaving Hux to silently study his profile. For a moment he was caught up in staring at him, silently admiring him from afar, until he snapped himself out of his little daydream. 

What the hell was he even doing?

Hux turned away and sped off in the opposite direction towards his locker before Kylo could catch him. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Four is finally here! Finals have been killing me but I finally found the time to finish this chapter so here it is! I apologize for the delay once again! I promise the next chapter will come in a timely matter and we’ll be back on schedule once again! Thank you all again for checking out this fic, it really does mean the world to me! Enough of me babbling though, please enjoy!

Ben stirred his spoon around his bowl of cereal mindlessly, watching as the once white liquid, now turned a murky multicolored mess, swirled around like a whirlpool in his bowl. It was all he could do to not fall back asleep right then and there. Mornings, in the Solo household were absolute hell, especially when he had to hear his sister’s constant chatter. 

Ben reached out to grab the box of fruit loops in front of him, ready to refill his bowl for the third time, before quickly catching a glance at Rey, who was obnoxiously chewing while talking, her mouth wide open for all to see.

“Can’t you chew with your mouth closed?” Ben grumbled impatiently.

Rey glanced over at him for a second, narrowing her brown eyes at him in clear disgust before shoving another spoonful of cereal into her mouth. 

“As I was saying…” Rey started again loudly, opening her mouth wide to show off the masticated cereal on her tongue.

Ben rolled his eyes and took another spoonful, “You eat like a fucking pig…” he retorted. 

“I’d rather eat like a pig than smell like one…”

“Ben, Rey enough… just finish and get ready for school.” Their mother was quick to interject. 

Ben only huffed as he shoveled more fruit loops into his mouth. It wasn’t bad enough that he had to get up at the ass crack of dawn but he also had to deal with his obnoxious family on top of it.

Rey started up again, prompting Ben to tune her out entirely. He didn’t have the time nor the energy to even pretend to listen. 

Ben’s concentration was pulled back by the sound of heavy panting followed by a large furry head falling into his lap. 

Ben glanced down and met a pair of round puppy dog eyes looking back up at him. Leave it to Chewie to be there, leaving behind patches of drool all over his jeans anytime Food was involved. He sighed and nudged the dog off his lap with his knee, receiving a rather disappointed whine in return. I’m

Immediately the big furry mutt ran over to Rey’s side, to which he received a chunk of buttered toast in return and a piece of bacon from their father.

“Guys..quit feeding Chewie table scraps, it’s not good for him.” Leia insisted while placing down the dog’s food bowl in front of him. 

“Oh Finn needs a ride home by the way,” Rey added nonchalantly, her words quickly catching Ben’s attention. “You can drive him back right?” 

“What am I a fucking uber?” he asked, impatience sliding into his tone. “Finn has a license he can drive himself back,” 

Being only fourteen and a few years shy of being able to legally drive, Rey constantly bothered him about giving her and her boyfriend a ride. 

“Finn doesn’t have a car dumbass, you know that,” Rey interjected. 

“Well then maybe he should fucking get one!” he snapped, slamming his hand down on the kitchen table, causing the bowl and silverware beside him to shake. 

“That is enough! Look, Ben, we don’t ask much of you. Your sister just needs a ride back and wants to bring her boyfriend along. Now is that really so much to ask for?” Leia questioned with a sigh. 

Ben’s scowl deepened, he wanted to argue and yell at his parents for picking favorites once again but somehow he managed to keep his composure. 

“Know what, fine! Fuck me, I’ll give you and your freeloading boyfriend a ride back home,” he agreed with a growl. 

Ben didn’t bother waiting for his sister to follow as he collected his things and stormed out of the kitchen to his car. Rey had soon followed behind, slipping into the front seat while tossing her backpack in the back. 

Rey frowned and pulled her legs up to her chest the best she could in the passenger seat. 

“Do you really have to be such an asshole all the time?” she asked.

Ben tightened his grip on the steering wheel, causing his knuckles to turn white. 

“If I’m such an asshole then why don’t you walk to school.” he snapped back.

“All I wanted to know was if Finn could catch a ride back with us, you don’t have to make a big deal out of everything.” 

“Sorry if I don’t wanna drag you and your friend’s asses everywhere.” 

His sister didn't say anything else, she only shook her head with clear frustration instead. 

Ben started the car, blared his music and sped off towards the school.

The trip from their house to Endor high was a fairly short one, living only ten minutes away. 

Luckily that meant that they wouldn’t have to put up with each other in their current moods for much longer. Ben pulled up into the school parking lot and Rey immediately hopped out, throwing her bookbag over her shoulder. The two of them parted ways without even saying as much as a goodbye each heading towards their first class. 

Somewhere deep inside, he regretted acting like such a dick towards his sister almost making him want to apologize and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. 

*******

By the time lunch rolled around, Ben didn’t know what possessed him to go back out to the court again but he did. 

Perhaps it was because he knew he had nothing better to do and at least if the Hux guy was around he could provide him with some kind of entertainment. 

The pasty ginger was fun to annoy at the very least, that much Ben had to admit. 

When he entered the quad Just as expected Hux was there. Sitting alone at the table with his nose buried in a book, a lit cigarette slipped between his fingers.

“If you’ve come for another cigarette then you can just leave right now,” Hux responded without even looking up from his book. 

Ben frowned as he slipped into the spot across from him. 

“I didn’t come for cigarettes,” Ben confessed as he drug, his fingers through his hair. 

For the first time since he sat down, Hux stopped his reading and looked up at him. 

“And what did you come here for then?” Hux questioned. 

Ben opened his mouth to respond but couldn’t find the words to say that would make him sound any less desperate. 

How was he supposed to respond? Was he supposed to tell him the truth, that he was lonely and had nobody to turn to? Risk sounding like a fucking loser? 

No, Ben couldn’t bring himself, to tell the truth. 

“I don’t know…” he shrugged casually, “Maybe I just wanted to annoy the fuck out of you?” 

Ben watched as Hux raised a brow in response, by the looks of it he wasn’t shocked by his answer. 

“Lucky me,” he responded in a rather sarcastic tone.

Ben leaned forward, hoping to catch a glimpse at what he was reading, almost as if he had caught on to what Ben was trying to do, he pulled the book away from his gaze. 

“You know you’re noisier than I remember,” he confessed without giving him as much as a glance.   
Ben snorted in amusement, “ Yeah and you’re fucking boring. Do you always just sit out here and read?” Ben questioned. 

“No ...sometimes I spend lunch in the library.”

Oh yes, that was so much better.

Ben let out a snort of amusement, unable to stop himself, clearly, Hux was far from pleased. 

“What’s so funny about that?” he quickly snapped. 

“Nothing… you just found like a fucking loser.” 

Hux sent a glare in his direction, which only served to further amuse him.

“There are worse things to be then a loser…” 

“Like what? A fucking freak?”

Ben’s laughter died out once he realized that his words had hit a nerve. 

Hux gathered up his book and pack of cigarettes and stormed off from the quad before Ben could say anything else. 

Ben felt guilty as he watched the red-headed male storm off, his words unknowingly striking a chord with him. 

Ben got up from his spot and caught up with him before he could go any further. 

“Look, I didn’t mean anything by it...Shit people call me a freak all the time,” The word  _ freak _ seemed to pale in comparison to all the other things he had overheard people say about him. 

Still, his reassurances did little to ease him. 

“Just don’t call me that alright?” 

Ben was half tempted to ask Hux what the big deal was but decided against it. He had already pissed him off enough as it was. 

“Alright…” he agreed, putting his hands up in surrender. 

There was an awkward silence that lingered in the air the rest of their together, Which Ben really should have expected. 

Finally, Hux spoke up, breaking the silence.

“I should be on my way now…”

Hux gatherer his stuff from beside him and began to leave the Quad. 

Ben wasn’t sure what possessed him to say something but he blurted out the words before he could even think things through. 

“Till next time?” he asked. 

He watched as the redhead froze, puzzled by his question which almost made Ben regret saying anything at all. 

“Sure...til next time,” he repeated before leaving towards his next class. 

Ben nodded as he watched him leave, feeling the tiniest bit of relief when he heard his words echoed back at him. Perhaps it just because he knew he now had some to annoy regularly, or maybe… maybe it was because Ben finally might have found a friend. 

No, That was just ridiculous. He didn’t know a single person who would have gladly called him their friend (Aside from Rey but she didn’t count) 

Still, the thought alone was enough to put the tiniest of smiles on his face. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is really really late. Finals, the holidays and the stress/anticipation of TROS kept me super busy but needless to say I finally got around to posting chapter five here for you guys! I wish I could say that it was worth the wait but I’ll let you all be the judge of that lol, anyway I hope you all enjoy and as always thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave comments/kudos on this fic! You guys really don’t know how much they all mean to me!  
Tw for: Homophobic remarks and Slurs.

Hux wasn’t sure which he hated more, going to school or coming home. It was essentially like picking which version of hell he preferred more. At the very least, school had the benefit of the library with its large selection of books, but he couldn’t think of a single thing he enjoyed about his house. 

Naturally, as he made the trudge back from school he dragged his feet along the sidewalk dreading what he would come home to. If he was lucky that his father would be in a good mood, something that was a novelty in the Hux household. He would be better off trying to find a unicorn, much less expect his father to be happy to see him for once. Part of him thought about going somewhere else, like the mall down the street or… well, anywhere else. 

He was sure his father wouldn’t mind, nor would he even bother looking for him. 

Still, the idea of wandering into the mall (somewhere he avoided as much as humanly possible) all on his own didn’t sound that appealing either. 

So instead, of steering off course he made his usual trudge back home, cradling his books in one arm as he walked back home. 

At the very least he’d get a few minutes of peace... he hoped.

Almost as if on cue a car pulled up beside him, slowing down a bit so that Hux could catch a quick glance of who was inside. Of course, he had to encounter several of the biggest assholes known to man on his way home.

“Hey, little Fag… what ya doing walk the streets all alone? You trying to get some dick?” One of the guys from inside hollered out at him. His words were quickly followed by laughter from several of the males inside. 

Hux didn’t even bother answering and kept walking instead, trying his hardest to ignore them.

“Hey.. we’re talking to you…” the driver growled.

His threat was met with silence once more, he wasn’t going to indulge them in whatever little game they were trying to play with him. 

“I think I know how to get the fucker’s attention,” one of the guys who was sitting in the back seat chimed out, before rolling down his window and quickly tossing a full cup that contained a cherry slushie right in Hux’s direction. 

He didn’t have time to dodge the drink that was thrown at him, and immediately felt the impact of the freezing drink as it soaked through his sweater, turning him into a dripping mess. 

“That oughta do it.” 

The car sped off, their laughter echoed out the window as they flew right past him. 

As soon as he reached his house he immediately tore off his soaked clothes and stepped

Hux balled his hands up into fists, digging his nails into the palm of his hands. That was just his luck. 

The trudge back home was inevitable now since he was dripping in cherry slushie. He stepped in the shower to wash off the sticky mixture of slush and cherry-flavored syrup.

“Bastards, stupid fucking bastards…” Hux cursed. So much for a little peace and quiet. That’s what he got for attempting to be optimistic. Life never went the way he wanted it to so why should now be any different? He was miserable at home and miserable everywhere else. Even if his surroundings changed, the feeling of misery never did. That was something that stuck with him no matter where he went. 

What was there for him to even be excited about he began to wonder. 

Well, perhaps there was one thing. Oddly enough he found lunchtime with Kylo to be the only real escape he ever had. Sure the kid was annoying but something made him want to sit with him, whatever that thing was. As pathetic as it may have sounded Hux hoped whatever it was that it would keep him coming back. 

The harsh reality was that Kylo was probably just like all the others. They always were. 

He had come to terms with the idea of being miserable for the remainder of his life. Things hurt less that way… 

***

When Lunch had rolled around Hux didn’t expect to see Kylo and he’d go back to sitting all alone again. 

However, True to his word there sat Kylo, his eyes stuck to the pad of paper that rested on the table in front of him. Hux couldn’t help but find himself filled with the slightest bit of relief upon seeing him actually there waiting for him. Annoying as he may have been, his company was something he had begun to look forward to. Hux simply gave him a silent nod as he slipped into the seat across from him. 

Kylo seemed more concentrated on whatever it was that he was working on to begin bugging him for once, which was fairly surprising to Hux. 

“May I ask what has you so quiet?” he questioned casually. 

Kylo glanced up from the sheet of paper, pushing a few dark strands of hair away from his face. 

“I would have thought you’d be happy about it,” he commented before his gaze went right back to the sketch pad. 

“Oh trust me, I’m not complaining, it’s just unusual is all,” Hux confessed as he slipped an unlit cigarette between his lips. 

Kylo paused for a moment, only serving to peak Hux’s curiosity even more. 

“It’s just a drawing,” he finally admitted after hesitating to answer. 

“Ah, just a drawing…” Hux repeated with a nod. He vaguely remembered Kylo mentioning something about being an artist, although he wasn’t sure if he only said so to fit his whole edgy persona or if he genuinely was one. 

Hux hesitated a moment himself before curiosity finally prompted him to ask, 

“May I take a look?” 

A look of puzzlement crossed the raven-haired boy’s features almost as if the request confused him. Hux couldn’t help but wonder if he had something to hide or perhaps he just wasn’t confident in his abilities. 

“It’s not finished…” he replied. 

Hux raised a ginger brow at his confession, “Well that hardly matters, I won’t judge. Not harshly anyway.” he added with a hint of a smirk. A look of amusement surprisingly crossed Kylo’s features at his attempt at teasing. 

“Didn’t know you had a sense of humor.” 

“Yes, very few do.” he chimed back in response which earned him a smirk from Kylo in return. To his surprise, Kylo passed his sketch pad over to him to see. As he gazed over the drawing he found himself fairly impressed. His eyes traced over every line and smudge left upon the paper’s surface created from his obnoxiously large hands no doubt. While he didn’t know a single thing about art he could tell that Kylo had a gift, a genuine gift. It would have been a lie to say that he wasn’t fairly impressed. 

Without asking for permission first, Hux began to flip through the rest of the sketchbook, looking at all his other work. The bound sketchpad was full of various drawings, some of simple mundane objects while others were of people. Hux stopped at a drawing of a girl who looked slightly younger than the two of them, soft features and hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. The details were incredible there was no denying that. 

“Is this supposed to be someone you know?” Hux asked curiously.

Kylo nodded silently as he dragged a hand through his hair, “Uh yeah, It’s of my sister she let draw her for once so I did.” he replied with a casual shrug. 

Hux glanced up from the drawing and on to Kylo, making sublet note of the similarities between the drawing and the boy, which were surprisingly few. 

“I see,” Hux stated simply before closing the book and handing it back to him.

“You’re good… very good actually.” Although he was sure it probably didn’t mean much coming from him. 

Kylo though seemed genuinely surprised by the compliment.

“You really think so?” 

He nodded in response, “I do, you should know by now I have very few hesitations when it comes to criticism Kylo.” he stated before exhaling a puff of smoke from his cigarette. 

“Thanks then,” Kylo simply replied as if nobody had ever given him a real compliment in his whole life. 

“I wouldn’t say so If I didn’t mean it,” he replied honestly. He rarely gave out compliments when they were warranted much less when they weren’t. Kylo didn’t say a word and instead smirked a bit before going back to his drawing. Throughout the rest of lunch, the two of them remained fairly quiet aside from the occasional comment here or there. Still, Hux couldn’t help but find their interaction pleasantly enjoyable. 

And For the first time in perhaps forever, Hux found himself slightly disappointed when the lunch bell rang. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve written and rewritten this chapter several times until finally settling on a draft I didn’t hate, which is the reason for the bit of the delay. As always I really hope that you enjoy this chapter and I wanna thank you all for sticking around so far and leaving comments/kudos and all that other good stuff! I know I say this every time but they really do mean the world to me!

It was an unspoken rule between Ben and Rey that if either one of them saw each other in the hall that they were not allowed to acknowledge the other’s existence. Not only did it save them both from the potential embarrassment but it gave them a break before they would inevitably have to see each other at home. However, when Ben passed his little sister in the halls sometimes he found it hard for him to bite his tongue. 

Ben never had been a huge fan of his little sister’s friends or choice in boyfriend. Rey had always told him that he was just jealous cause she actually had friends but the truth ultimately boiled down to the fact that Ben really didn’t trust any of them.

Poe Dameron, Captain of Endor high’s football team, was easily the one he hated the most. Ben and he were both in the same graduating class and was adored by nearly everyone he came in contact with. Well, everyone _ but _Ben. He was the leading Quarterback of the Endor bears which also meant he had an ego to match. Not to mention that he probably drove the coolest car in all their grade. While it was no fancy expensive sports car, nobody could deny that it was pretty sick. Poe owned a 70’s mustang with a custom paint job, one that he bragged about nearly all the time. Their parents seemed to take a liking to him however, constantly chatting about cars with his father while joking with his mother. It almost made Ben sick to see how charmed they were by him. 

Rose Tico was a freshman like Rey and only a few months older than his sister. The two of them had been friends since Rosed had moved when they were both in seventh grade, but Ben could tell that the two of them hadn’t been nearly as close as they once were. Rey had simply shrugged it off, informing him that she had just been grieving the loss of her sister who had died in a car crash the summer before their freshman year. Ben still didn’t think that was an excuse to be such a passive-aggressive bitch. 

Finally, there was Finn, Rey’s new boyfriend. Finn was probably the one that Ben liked the most but that still didn’t mean that he trusted him enough to date his sister. He was only a year below him at sixteen and therefore, two years older than Rey. Sure, he seemed like a pretty nice guy, polite and friendly but Ben still hadn’t been entirely convinced and kept an eye on him like a hawk. Ready to pounce on the kid the first chance he got. Maybe Ben was just judging him harshly because of how protective he was over his sister but the truth was that Ben just had a hard time really trusting anyone. It was probably the reason he had no friends. Anytime anyone managed to get even slightly close to him he had to do something that would drive them away. Every single time. 

Holdo described it as self-sabotage, some sort of defense mechanism to keep himself from being rejected or abandoned. 

Ben rolled his eyes at the thought, She was always throwing out terms and diagnosis for every behavior to try and make him feel like a bigger freak then he already was. If it was up to him he would skip his therapy sessions altogether and tell her to fuck off. Of course, it wasn’t up to him though and he knew that if he did try anything like that his mother would have handed his ass to him. 

Still, it would have been nice to tell them just how he really felt. 

The thought however faded from his mind as Ben caught a quick glance over at his sister hanging on to Finn's arm as if her life depended on it. He wanted to barf just from the mere sight of the two of them, his protective big brother instincts threatening to kick into gear. Still, their agreement lingered in the back of his mind prompting him to push his way through the sea of people, his looming and dark presence was apparently enough to cause them to move out of his path, all scattering around like mice. Ben could barely hear the faint whispers of people who he passed by, all of them seemed to look at him like he was some kind of freak. He didn't even have to question why. Apparently word got around fairly fast in Endor high. 

“There’s that fucking Psycho, Ben Solo.” someone from behind muttered to their friend, followed by the sound apparently thinking he was out of earshot. 

Ben clenched his fist, digging his nails into the palm of his hand so hard that he swore he could have easily drawn blood. Before he could even get the chance to turn around and came face to face with the asshole his sister was quick to interject. 

“Don’t you dare talk about my brother that way!” she immediately jumped in. “He’s not a physco you bastard… “ Finn did everything he could to hold back his girlfriend who was fuming. 

“Hey.. hey Rey don’t listen to them, they're just assholes. They don’t know what they’re talking about.” Finn attempted to reassure her. 

Ben didn’t bother even turning around and instead continued walking to his next class. He had to tell himself that it wasn’t worth it. If he didn’t he’d do something he’d regret. 

***

All throughout the day, Ben waited for lunch to arrive. It was one of the few times that he felt strangely at ease. Lunch was also one of the only consistent things that Ben had in his life. He knew exactly what he was gonna get every time he sat down at his usual spot in the quad. In his life, consistency was the one thing that it lacked so it was nice to have at least one thing to cling to. Strangely enough, Lunch was also the only time he ever saw Hux. He didn’t see him in any of his classes or even wandering the halls. Endor wasn’t by any means a small school but it couldn’t have really been that big? Hux was almost like a strange cryptid create that only appeared in the one place where you knew where to look and nowhere else. Their small table seemed to be that very place, apparently. When he arrived at lunch that day there sat Hux as usual, allowing Ben to slide right into his usual routine of saying a quick snarky comment and then shifting right into the usual monthly of lunch. However, this time was slightly different from the rest. Something that Kylo had himself to blame for. 

“So are we friends..?” he blurted out into the otherwise silent space between them. 

Hux glanced up, a few loose strands of ginger hair falling across his forehead. He scrunched up his face into an unreadable expression before echoing Ben’s thoughts out loud.

“Excuse me?” he asked, seemingly puzzled by the question. 

Ben took a second before asking his question again. “Are we friends… we fucking sit around here every day I figure that’s gotta count for at least something…” 

Instead of an answer, Hux snorted in amusement as he shook his head, Ben’s heart sank right to his feet, had he misjudged? Of course, he did. Figures, Hux probably thought of him as nothing but an annoyance. 

“Friends… you wanna be my friend?” Hux asked, seeming surprised that Ben even asked such a question. 

“ I didn’t say I wanted to be your friend I asked if we were,” he explained, quickly realizing how harsh the words sounded as soon as they left his lips. 

Apparently they weren’t lost on Hux either, “So you don’t wanna be friends then?” he pointed out, not in offense but merely as if it were some kind of observation. 

“I never said that either..I was just asking if we were Jesus...” Ben was quick to retort. Oh shit, there he went again. Messing up his words again, maybe there was a good reason why he was alone most of the time. Surprisingly, Hux seemed rather amused by his flustered little display. He chuckled a bit before casually shrugging his shoulders in response. 

“Well, I’m not exactly sure how you determine if someone is your friend or not by just sitting with them.” he pointed out, followed by a quick pause. “But if you really wanna know then, I guess we are.” 

Ben wasn’t sure how exactly he was supposed to react. At least he could finally say he had a friend, even if that friend happened to be one he made on accident. 

“Good, I don’t have that many friends..” Ben confessed with a shrug. “ I don’t have...any actually.”

“Fucking loser.” Hux quickly retorted with only the slightest hint of humor slipping into his tone, which prompted a smirk to fall on to Ben’s lips. 

“Right, like your one to fucking talk.” 

“Oh, and you know that for a fact?” Hux asked as he propped an elbow on the table.

Ben rolled his eyes in response, “ No but I got a pretty good idea. Face it Hux we’re both fucking losers.” 

“Speak for yourself Ren.” There was a pause before he continued, “ You wouldn’t be wrong about though. I don’t have any either.” Hux replied before lifting up a cigarette which he had retrieved from the carton in his pocket. 

Ben ran his fingers through his hair as he leaned further over the table, “Well, at least we can be fucking losers together then huh?” 

Hux blinked, looking almost unsure before cracking the tiniest of smiles. “I guess so…” 

His tiny smile was reflected on Ben’s own expression, “Well, now that we’re friends does that mean we should hang around outside lunch?” Ben figured he should at least ask. He wasn’t exactly used to having many friends after all. 

Hux seemed to contemplate the question, scrunching up his face a bit before shrugging, “ I don’t see why we couldn’t. Why do you have any bright ideas?” he questioned curiously. 

Ben shrugged in response, “I don't know… wanna go to the mall?” he asked. 

“The mall? Sorry to disappoint Kylo but I’m not exactly the biggest fan of the mall, “ he confessed. 

“Yeah well, never either am I. The mall fucking sucks,” he agreed, “but there’s not much else to do around here.” 

Ben watched as Hux sighed, his shoulders slumping a bit. “Well, if there’s really nothing else you can think of then I guess the mall will have to do,” Hux agreed. 

A smirk crept onto Ben’s face once he had agreed to meet up with him at the mall, “Alright, when are you free then?” 

Maybe it would be a chance to get to know the virtual stranger he sat with at lunch every day.

“How about right after class lets out at three-thirty?” 

Rey would have to find her own way back home but that didn’t seem like a concern to Ben. Poe was the hotshot with a car, after all, he could drive her home. 

“What the Fuck, why not” he agreed with a nod.

“Three-thirty, it is….then.” 

Ben wasn’t sure which surprised him more, the fact that he had a friend or that he was willingly going to the mall. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone and thank you so much for checking out my first Kylux fanfic! I've been planning this for awhile and finally have gotten around to posting this so I hope you have enjoyed! I know this start is a bit of a downer and I can't promise that it gets too much happier than this, but there will be some fluff in there I promise! Next chapter we will be introduced to Kylo so stay tuned!  
Be sure to leave a comment telling me what you think it would be very much appreciated! :)


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